Hey America! Are you all like, “It doesn’t matter who is elected president, they are all the same, I’m not even voting this election.”
You may be a grimy hipster for saying something like that, but you also may be on to something. Like I’ve previously laid out in Episode 1 and Episode 2, the President barely registers in your day to day life COMPARED to other collective bodies of Government in the United States. If you are one of the brave men and women who swore defend our country everyday this message isn’t for you. The President can absolutely fuck up your day. This message is to everyone else with their panties in a twist over our Presidential candidates.
The good news- the President doesn’t matter! The bad news- who you elect to Congress does matter and they are some of the most corrupt people in our government. Your Representative and Senators are the assholes writing and passing 20,000 page bills without even knowing whats in them until well after they are signed into law. They tend to mask their true intentions by naming it something overtly populist. For example, The Patriot Act should probably be called ‘Destroying the American principle of privacy and freedom to “stop terrorism” Act’. The Freedom Act is really the ‘Its not as bad as the Patriot Act, but were still taking away your freedoms Act’ , No Child Left Behind is really the ‘Arbitrary Standards for Students in order to get Funding Act’. Most of the time, these congressmen typically don’t even read the bills. They push it on a 22 year old staffer who just graduated from American University to provide their “expert” analysis on whether its a good idea to store all of your person emails. God help us if they name something the AMERICAN PUPPY ACT – it would likely force us to kill all the puppies. We wouldn’t know until it was too late because that 300 word provision was buried in a 3 ft high stack of deception and legal jargon they call a bill.
Wait, so why would our patriotic Representatives do this? Because US Congressmen are not motivated to do whats best for the country, they are motivated to get re-elected which only happens through butt-loads of donations and toting the party line. Congress is essentially a group of professional money raisers who get re-elected 80-90 percent of the time despite approval ratings lower than that of cockroaches and traffic jams – no bullshit, it’s true.
Now back to why they really matter- money! This is the branch of Government responsible for setting budgets and approving debt. Sure, you hear pundits falsely blame presidents for National Debt , but the President doesn’t have shit to do with the budget except for signing the dotted line. Trillions of dollars and millions of jobs are at stake every time Congress lines up for the partisan pissing contest that has become our annual budgeting process. They love to scream fiscal conservation OR funding for poor, but that’s only after these snakes have paid up their special interests groups of course.
Shithead Senator:“Hey Mitch, we need $459 million on more warplanes, Lockheed gave us a shit ton of money for the election this year”
Shithead Majority Leader: “No problem, we will just cut funding to Veterans Affairs and find a way to blame it on the other side.”
But hey, after a few trillion dollars who cares anyways, right? It’s all make believe money at this point. Sure the President can order the Marines to storm the beaches of Syria, but these jerkoffs have placed a little nuclear bomb into every one of our bank accounts.